Routines work until they do not
Every family that has successfully established a routine will tell you the same thing: it took longer than expected, and it fell apart at least once before it stuck. That is not a sign of failure. It is just how routines work.
Routines fail for predictable reasons. They are too rigid for the reality of family life. One change cascades into everything else. Or they are built around one person's effort, and when that person is ill or away, the whole structure collapses.
Start smaller than feels necessary
The temptation when building a new routine is to redesign everything at once: a better morning structure, more organised evenings, a consistent bedtime for the children. This is optimistic to a fault.
Small routines embed themselves more reliably than large ones. A single consistent habit, reviewing the week together on Sunday evenings for example, builds trust in the system before you try to expand it.
Once one routine is solid, adding the next one is easier. The first proves the structure works.
Routines need a shared reference point
For a family routine to hold, everyone needs to be looking at the same picture of the week. If the schedule lives in one person's head, the routine depends on that person managing and communicating information constantly. That is exhausting and fragile.
A visible shared calendar makes the week's structure common knowledge. When children can see what is happening today and tomorrow, they need less reminding. When both parents are looking at the same view, there is less scope for miscommunication.
The routine itself does not have to be complicated. Monday is swimming. Wednesday is the late pickup. Friday is the easy dinner. Keeping these things visible reduces daily negotiation.
Account for the disruptions
Routines do not fail because the routine is bad. They fail because life interrupts and there is no plan for resuming. Half term arrives, everything shifts for a week, and the routine never quite gets going again.
Building the disruption in, rather than pretending it will not happen, is more effective. Have a lighter version of the routine for busy weeks. Have a plan for when one parent is away.
This sounds like extra planning. It is. But it is one-time planning that pays out every time the disruption comes around.
Weekly check-ins are the maintenance
Routines that hold tend to have one shared moment each week when the family looks at what is coming. Ten minutes on a Sunday evening. What is happening this week? Who needs to be where? What do we need to prepare?
It does not need to be formal. It can happen around the kitchen table or whilst cooking. The point is that everyone hears the plan at the same time.
Kerfuff's shared calendar gives that weekly check-in a common reference point, with everyone's commitments already in one place rather than scattered across individual phone calendars.